The Day after

I thoroughly enjoyed my party on Saturday, got some nice gifts, even though I told them to bring nothing except themselves.
My first guest, my sis in law came early at 3 pm and I was glad. Later the guests started coming till the last one at 5pm.
We served our cake first with coffee. Got compliments for the chocolated cake.
Then at about 5.45pm dinner was served. Even though our dining table was meant for 6 people, another managed to squeze in without problem. We had a sort of fruit wine with the food. We ate, and spoke and laughed. Got compliments for the food. Was nothing special, I just cooked what best I could. I am no chef nor an expert where cooking is concerned.
Anyway, after dinner, we cleared the table of the plates and my thai friend demanded we wash the plates there and then. I was in the kitchen and I said no, we will first have our coffee and smoke our cigarette before we even think about washing the dishes. ... See more

So when we were still clearing the dining table, she was in the kitchen washing the dishes. I told her very gently to please leave the dishes and come in for the coffee.

We sat for about an hour at the dining table talking away, sharing jokes, laughing, feeling good.
Later we moved to the living room area to chat some more. Alex was serving the beer by now. 2 bottles per person. No one got drunk or anything.
At 10 pm, my sister in law had to leave. So did my 87 yr old neighbour. (I love her!)
We that were left, started talking about the garden and what our plans were. Then my lady friend started talking about her niece and what a pain she was etc etc.
My friend hits that 15 yr old child. I have on many occasions told her not to hit that child. I always said, you can talk to her gently. Even if she doesn't listen, again and maybe again. ... See more
She went on and on about all the past things that happened, which I have heard about 10 times. Each time, I told her, yes, you have mentioned this before. But she went on and on. We all just sat there listening to her for the umpteenth time. There was one part when she was saying *Everybody says she is sweet, so sweet but only I know who she is. No one else knows who she is...... I cut in and asked if she hate her???? with a smile on my face ....

That was it, all hell broke loose for her and she raised her voice and said that if I thought bad thoughts about her that she wants to break the friendship there and then. I said to her, looking straight into her eyes, I asked you with a smile on my face. I didn't say it as a sentence with a full stop. I took a quick look at the husband before I... See more continued to look at my friend. She went on and on and on about wanting to break the friendship with a raised voice. I apologised but she wasn't listening. I called her gently and for a moment got her attention and apologised again. But she continued with her stories about this and that ......... mostly about the niece and she is suffering blah blah blah ....
(She used to tell me in the past that she quarrels with everybody, with the teacher, with the students at school, at the airport .... and for a moment there I thought to myself, now I understand what you mean by quarreling).

Anyway, in the midst of it all, Alex asked if she wanted a hug and she said NO! ...... I told her smilingly, that it was actually my party but it ended up being her party. At that moment, she stopped (finally) and then apologised.

Yesterday, the day after the party, I suffered from a terrible headache and this time it was not because of high glucose level but stress. I went to bed thinking a bit too much about the last 2 hours of the party. Alex kept telling me to forget it. But I kept questioning, and analysing the situation and felt that it was so uncalled for to have a... See more break in the friendship just because I asked her something.

Yesterday, I was sick like a dog, my neck and shoulder muscles all tight and my head was throbbing and feeling nausea. I took 2 painkillers and it didn't help, Alex gave me foot reflexology and that helped somewhat. He massaged my neck and shoulder muscles ...... Finally, I put in a zetpil into my you-know-where, to combat the nausea and went to bed.

Thank the Lord I woke up feeling better this morning. A bit shaky but better.

I thought some thoughts today and analysed again. I understand what my friend is going thru. She is not well, she is in her beginning stages of her menopause, plus for the last 6 months, she has been having slightly high glucose levels. She is not diabetic yet but higher than a normal person. She is bound to have mood swings.
But where the child is concerned, she shouldn't be hitting her, even if it's a light slap or hit. According to dutch laws a child should not be hit. I was just trying to protect both my friend and the child.
The child is 15 yrs old, lost the mother when she was young, and lost the father when she was 13. The father was a bad influence with drug abuse. Anyway, my friend brought her here with much difficulties, paper work wise.
That child has a lot to absorb, with all the past happenings and coming to a new country, learning a new language etc etc ......
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Alex and I find her ok, not difficult, very polite. Talks a bit too much, I guess she is just excited about alot of things. I even thought her the tiramisu on friday evening. We talk about alot of things. But my friend finds her sloppy, dirty, untidy and rude. One can teach a child or teenager by explaining things to her.

Yes, the famous saying, You don't know about child raising, you never had one. Yah yah.

Oh well. I am forgiving my friend for causing me stress the last 2 hours of that nite. I will understand her problems and try not to say things to push her to the limit. But my friend has to learn to appreciate friendships and not threaten just like that, over nothing.