From lousy feelings to shouts of Praise!

It's been quite a while since I wrote. Too many things happened this last week and after all the days have passed by, this morning I feel like a choking feeling within me. I am fine and okay, in case you are wondering, just this choking feeling within me that makes me feel like I need to express myself out, write it out in words and hopefully that feeling leaves me.

I woke up this morning fine but events of the past week started to sneak into my mind and I feel a struggling, a choking feeling of sorts.

Like I said, things have been hectic around me and even as I write I feel that life is such a struggle. Life is difficult. It's difficult being a woman, it's difficult being a wife, it's difficult being a friend, it's difficult being a mom to my dog, Junior. It's difficult being a homemaker, it's difficult to learn new things (like the theory for my driving) ...... it's difficult growing older each day.

Last Monday, I drove so very badly that I came home feeling depressed. Just that everything went wrong this day. I came home and sat on the couch and did nothing else. I was really exhausted, mostly mentally.

Last Thursday night my computer broke down, it's no big deal really because hubby will always sort my computer problems for me. This night he took out the hard drive and installed it into his computer and thank the Lord all the information were still there. So my motherboard was not working. A month earlier DH already said that the sounds coming out from my comp didn't sound so good and to be prepared that it may crash and so it did. So hubby made a decision to shop for another computer on Friday.

Last week Friday, a friend had to go for a breast operation, to make that one breast that she had to a smaller size. She is a breast cancer survivor, having most of one breast removed and one left. That one which is still left is too big and she had to have it made smaller. However, the fact that she has had chemo therapy makes her skin very thin and fragile, so the fears surrounding the survival thru narcose (anesthesia) came up, and all the questions of whether she will make it or not. These are not my fears however, they were hers. Being a friend meant that I would have to support her by being positive and encouraging. I on the other hand could really do one thing and that was pray about it and I thank God that everything went smooth for her.

Junior, my son, my pet, has been oozing a sort of yellowish and sometimes a little bit of blood from his arse hole. It has been going on for a couple of weeks, leaving stains on our bed (he sleeps with us at night). I told hubby that I wasn't interested to go shopping for a comp, that I would rather bring my boy to the vet.

I called to make an appt with the vet and so we went at 2 pm. The vet said that Junior has anal glands infection. So she squeezed the anal glands out and out came the liquid with some pus and blood. My boy was screaming and crying like crazy. That left me feeling very traumatized. She gave an injection of antibiotics at his anal and sent us home.

Reflecting back on Junior's first anal gland infection which was about 4 yrs ago, the vet, an elderly experienced vet, who is now retired, when he cleared the glands for Junior, Junior didn't make one sound. But this time around with the new vet, he was screaming like crazy.

Like I always say, I can handle most things but when it comes to my Junior, I don't know why but my motherly feelings comes into place. Watching him scream and struggle was the beginnings of my difficult days to come. I was traumatized to go on continuing with the days to come.

Anyway, came home from the vet and monitored Junior and he seemed to be okay. So we let him rest at home while we went to shop for the new computer. Though my body was at the shopping center but my mind was with Junior while my soul kept praying to God. I was at three places, body, mind and soul at 3 different places.

On the way home, we bought fried fish kibbelings for dinner because it was already late. Checked on Junior, thank God he was fine. Ate dinner and left for Tenny's house because it was her birthday. Brought Junior with us and we had a wonderful evening.

Saturday, friend was discharged from hospital and I was pleased to hear that everything went perfectly. Then another phone call came thru that a good friend of ours Xander was not doing well in hospital. Xander is a rheumatism patient and had to be prescribed with pills. That left him with bad gall bladder function and he had to go into hospital for an op. Things didn't go well and he had a heart attack and he had to be moved to another hospital with better ICU facilities.

Husband was crying for his friend, a friendship of 30 yrs. I told him to first pray about it and then to feel. So on our knees we went and prayed ever so hard to God that Xander will have an extension of life. Xander is about 45, has a wife and 3 young children, 16, 15 and 10. He has had maybe 2 heart attacks previously, doesn't walk good because of his rheuma. Xander is one guy I would always treasure in my heart because he made me feel very accepted when I first came him.

The whole of Saturday, I was just praying and praying for Xander, for Junior and for our lady friend. Our plan to visit our lady friend on Sunday was canceled because we wanted to visit Xander. However, the plan didn't come thru because he was in critical condition and not many visitors allowed.

Monday, I went for my driving and thank Jesus I drove well. Came back home, rested a bit and went out again with Junior to the vet. There, the junior vet again squeezed his anal glands and Junior was screaming and struggling and watching him in such distress caused me to be traumatized again.

Back home, Junior started to poop each time he farted. He left trails of shit here and there. Had to keep changing his bedding. Went to bed that night and again he left trails of shit on bed, even on my pajama.

Tuesday, started the morning firstly with praying and then went on to put the bedding to wash. It took me the whole morning because I had to wash the spots off and then disinfect them and then in the wash machine. Hubby came home and said that our lady friend was pissed with us because we didn't visit her on Sunday. Gosh ...... I was thinking. We told her hubby that if it was ok that we didn't visit and the answer was ok. Now this. So hubby made a call to explain the situation. As you know man are few with words, so, I wrote an email explaining all that happened the days that passed. ok, she understood. Still I felt and questioned why it had to happen ....... this was the beginning of my choking feeling.

This morning, I woke up feeling exhausted from everything that has happened. Brought Junior out and payed attention to his arse hole, and especially after he pooped, he still shows signs of swell. I came home cleaned Junior up, washed my hands and straight into the bedroom and prayed to God. I cried out to Him. I poured out everything to Him again. Felt comforted that God will find a way when I feel there is no way.

Just before writing this I was feeling so choked within me, I felt that I am being hard pressed from left, right, centre, every which way. For a moment there my mind told me what a struggle life is. That it's so difficult to be a wife, a friend, a mom, to be just a human being. Moments like this I wish Jesus would come soon to fetch us back to Him.

I started of this day feeling exhausted, but thank God, after crying out to Him, I feel better, my burdens have I laid in His Hand, I can go on again. I can be a wife, a mom to my dog, a friend again. Though life is a struggle for me, but I thank my Savior that Him being in charge of me and my household that we're going to be fine again. I have put my total trust in Him and He will never let me down. He will make a way when I feel there is no way. There is a song sung by Don Moen titled God will make a way and I have been listening to that many many times this past week.

As I end my entry today, I just want to add that the weather looks so dim, there is no sunshine since morning and it's nearly midday now. We're expecting rainy weather for the next 2 weeks and high possibility of freezing, that is minus degrees, which means maybe even snow.

(phone ringing) ......

Now, time for some good news, Xander's wife just called to say that he is out of the critical condition and that he is moved to another ward. All Praises be to God. All Glory to God, All Power to God. We'll be visiting him this evening.

Dinx, here I have to say, a big thank you to you for including us in your prayers. Thanks for your comforting words. Big Thanks to my Mala too for always encouraging me with the right words always. Big hugs to both of you!

God is Great and wonderful. I started my entry feeling so lousy but ended it with songs of praise in my heart. All Glory be unto you my Mighty God! Amen.